wedding. We are really lucky to live in the only state in the
country where we can legally get married. In the last three years
we have been to all kinds of same-sex weddings. Some that look
like a stereotypical straight wedding with bridesmaids and white
dresses and some didn’t feel like “a wedding” at all with a
barbecue in a backyard and no ceremony or speeches. All have been
sweet and have had different feels and right now we are trying to
plan how we are shape our wedding.
Along that vein, one of my friends asked if we were going to
register for gifts. That started a whole conversation about
whether or not lgbt couples should participate in that type of
stereotypical wedding behavior. She was of the mindset that lgbt
couples should not celebrate their love in a way that requires
their friends and families to give gifts. She feels like weddings
in this country have become too much of an industry and couple get
caught up spending too much money for one day and in turn, their
guests feel obligated to give gifts or money they sometimes can’t
afford to save face. She thinks that is one part of the
historically patriarchal concept of a wedding that is broke and
lgbt couples should not perpetuate it.
I get that, but playing devil’s advocate, shouldn’t we have
everything associated with “a wedding” that our straight peers
get and have been getting for years. I have been a bridesmaid
four times and have poured thousands of dollars into just those
four weddings, not to mention all the weddings I am just a guest
at. Isn’t it time I get the free stuff?
But isn’t there value in changing the concept of a wedding and
what a family is? Aren’t we doing that work on the macro level
everyday by just raising children? Can’t we use this moment in
history, as we get make headway into more and more institutions, to
change what we don’t like about the institutions we have been
sidelined from? Or is it easier for mainstream America to
understand us if we do it all just like they do and have come to
understand it?