by Stacey Harris. Stacey writes Evolved Moms, a
blog for gay and lesbian parents – with a weekly advice section,
tons of humor and occasional rants. She and her wife Jessie are the
owners of Family
Evolutions – an online store for gay families and Promotion Evolutions an
alternative promotional company. The advice given does not
necessarily reflect the views of the Family Equality
Dear Evolved Moms: When is the best time to have a baby?
I’ve been with my partner for seven years and I’m the female in the
relationship. My girlfriend is older than me and wants a child NOW,
but she not willing to carry the child for nine months and I’m
still in school. (She is eight years older then I) We have a donor
already, but I don’t know when is the best time. Should I wait
until I graduate or should I have my baby before I graduate? I do
want to have a child, but not sure when and my partner thinks she
is getting old.
My easy answer is this:
There is no such thing as “the right time”
You will never have
at one time
the right house, with the picket fence
and enough money
and enough time
and perfect weight
ideal health care
the perfect job and
the best school system.
If you wait for ALL of those factors
you will probably never have a baby.
That said. A few things are important.
Just because she is unwilling to carry a child, does not mean you
The are many ways to create a family
getting pregnant is only one.
In my case, I tried for 2 years
and never got pregnant
nothing like that is for sure
And I do need to say for the record.
You are BOTH the females in the relationship
the roles you choose are yours to choose
but biology is biology
if she wants a baby so badly that she cannot wait
and does not want to adopt
let her get pregnant!
BOTH of your needs and wants matter
you do it next time when you are done with school.
As I see it age matters little
My wife is 6 years younger and infinitely more mature on most
So here are my factors:
1) You must truly be in love and stable
2) Trust your instincts
If you feel that being a mom during school is too hard
then that is extremely important
whether pregnancy or adoption
both are emotionally and in most cases physically taxing
hard to study and throw up at the same time
3) The decision is about 3 people and what is best for ALL of you
as a unit
4) If the answer does not come easily, it’s probably not time.
5) Taking a leap of faith is okay.
A child is a magical and uncontrollable force. You need to be ready
for the roller coaster ride of your life. Beginning the process is
just stepping into the seat. If you are ready to be flexible and go
for that ride. Then it’s time.
I’d love to hear what you decide.